I hate looking back at the past and looking at all of my mistakes and everything that I've lost. Friends. Family. Everything that I've ever treasured. How do you lose something so easily? It echos in my head and yet there's no mistake to what I did. It must have been on purpose, I must have wanted this life but now it's regret. I need help, a lot of it. I need a new out look. I need a saviour.

Art. Hah. That's fictionary now. I keep wondering why I keep coming back on here half of the time when I have nothing to share. I have nothing do but but it seems like rant in this journal. Is that my purpose now? Maybe. I suppose you could look at it like how the snow falls to the ground just to later dissapear. Everything disappears. I should know that, right?

People like Erika, Sarah, Lyly, and Lauren. What did I do to lose them? I let go of my memories and now I'm searching for them. I let go of those years of fun and I realize this. I told them I was done with it. Now look at me, back on my knees, bleeding, searching, wandering, and just hoping that maybe I could do something to make up for my mistakes. Though there is nothing I can do.

After what I said to some of them. After all those times I looked away and pushed them away. After how many times you hurt someone. You learn that there can be no forgiveness for what you've done. It's slience now. Errie because it can't ever be peaceful. Maybe I'm being obsessive because I know that they've moved on without me in their lives. Not like they should may me any attention though. I'm one person out of billions of people.

Heh. I've only got one thing to hold on to. Not paper, nor pencil. No computer, no art. Nothing but my mind. My other side, my little character that I hold on to in the back of my head. The one I still try to work on but there's no fixing him either because there's no fixing me. That's the problem when you start a life of a role-player and allow yourself to become consumed by your other half.

I believe I'm in need of an outcome. If only there was one.

In art,
Tidus